3 Subtle Signs of Extremely Insecure People

You should know them for your own good

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

We all are insecure about something or the other in our life and that’s okay. Without insecurity, how can we secure our lives, our future?

However, excess insecurity is very bad. When you have got everything and still you feel insecure, you have got some problem. I am kidding.

I had everything I ever wanted, still, I felt insecure — about almost everything. That’s normal because at that point you are worried about losing what you have got, in other words, you are insecure about not being able to retain what you have already got because insecurity means just that — lack of confidence in our abilities.

And insecurity isn’t bad. Because you can’t help. Do you know why a huge elephant can be tied up with a thin rope still he won’t even try to move an inch? Because they were trained this way from their childhood. Similarly, the root of your insecurity is in your childhood, be it any big calamity you had to go through or that excessive push for success by your guardians. Those experiences and feelings get so engraved in our minds, we can’t move past it.

But the good news? We can change that now. I have done it. You can turn your insecurity to humility too. Before that, let’s figure out whether you have got any signs of insecurity.

Primarily, overinsecure people have these 3 subtle signs.

1. They are self-pleasers

I remember two years back when our founder at our company gave any task to us, I was the first one to do that. My goal was to be the first. Because I felt insecure. I felt like I have to be the best and being first denotes just that. This is very bad.

Insecure people are self-pleasers. They please themselves by pleasing others. They are the first one to do anything when you ask them, right after you ask it.

They will never say you no just because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

They finish their task before deadline and with perfectionism.

They are the ones who always try to overdeliver. Overdelivering is nice but it’s bad to do it with an agenda. They do it to show that they are the best. They do it to show that they are the winner. They do it to show that they are the fastest. Because they need approval and appraisal from others to feel pleased themselves.

They fear to be ignored. They always want to be in the centre of your attention.

Do I have this sign?

Simple symptom: If you can’t say no to someone for any kind of task they ask you, you are a self-pleaser.

How to get over it?

If you don’t feel like saying yes to something, practice saying no. When someone asks you something, ask yourself: “Am I ready to eat frog’s poop as long as he/she wants?” Unless you are abnormal, your answer should be a big NO. Now just say that out loud to the person. The reason this works is that a. you aren’t abnormal, b. you are a self-pleaser and you can’t imagine bad for yourself so you slowly start feeling good about your decision and that means just that — you start feeling secure.

2. They have a fixed mindset

Last summer, when one of my team members asked how the headline ‘5 Steps To Become A Better Programmer’ could be made better, I came up with a huge list of why the title is bad.

Insecure people have the answer to any of your questions. And they are the first one to answer them. That too not a plain answer but a detailed, long answer which is mostly biased. Because they need to show their smartness to feel special. They want to increase the conversation with long answers so that they can feel more special. They are open for answering but fear questioning. They feel like they know it all.

Do I have this sign?

Simple symptom: If you over-answer any question you get and are the first one to answer it, you have a fixed (and biased) mindset.

How to get over it?

Don’t just hear, listen and then ask questions. Listening means actively participating in the conversation and hearing means waiting for the conversation to end. Start asking questions more often. That hints you are curious and confident people are always curious.

3. They fear failure and rejection

When we were deciding the perfect price for our next product launch last January of 2019, I settled for $13.99.

“How about making it $9.99 and not $13.99? As it’s the first launch we might reduce some amount. This will increase the hype and convert more people.” our designer suggested. I was the first one to get offended. And when we did go with $13.99, as I was the leader and had the main decision power, and sold way less than expected, I was the first one to blame everyone in the team.

Insecure people fear change. They fear experimenting. Whenever they do experiments and fails, they blame others, even if nobody has any fault. They have a long list of excuses and hundreds of reasons to blame others. Why? Because that way suddenly their fault disappears. They feel more confident that way.

They are the ones who remember every mistake you ever did. Even that you wore the wrong underwear one day, they have kept the note of it. They bring those up when they are out of words. They do it to make you inferior to them. They do it to feel in power.

Do I have this sign?

Simple symptom: If you easily get offended when someone disagrees with you or suggests something new, you fear failure.

How to get over it?

Enjoy new ideas. Love experimenting. Confident people aren’t confident from thin air, they are confident because they are open for new experimentations as they can learn more from it. The more you know, the more you realize that you don’t know and the more curious you become. And confident people are always curious, you already know.

Takeaway

Insecurity isn’t bad. It’s good. We need to feel insecure to then work hard and secure our future.

Overinsecurity on the other hand could be harmful. It slows your learning and decreases your fulfilment. Overinsecure people make up as good human being but are unsatisfied with themselves from within.

Nobody likes overinsecure people. And when you are overinsecure, you have to depend on others for your happiness, your satisfaction, your fulfilment.

However, it’s easy to get past it. We feel insecure when we lack confidence. Doing these 3 things helps us get over it.

  1. Say a lot of no whenever you don’t want to work for anyone.
  2. Ask a lot of questions rather than over answering.
  3. Be curious to experiment and learn a lot whenever possible.

By the way, if you are smiling because you don’t have any of these signs, be a real selfish and help your overinsecure friends. One of my friends, Prito Reza says: “We all are selfish in this world but we don’t even act selfish rightly. Imagine you get your driving license from one of the best schools in the world, from Oxford. Excited, you hop into your Mercedes-Benz C 300 and jump for a ride. You are on the road and bam, someone hits your car. Okay, so was your driving lessons or the most expensive (not sure fastest) car helpful here? You already now have to get 9 stitches on your back. If you would have tried to help others learn, lift them, you would have been safe too. Be a real selfish, man.”

Be a real selfish, man. Lift your insecure friends.

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My story might not matter but it'll gently touch your interior and remind you how smarter you are. Google forced to include numbers: shajedul.karim.01@gmail.com

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