“Dad, Please Don’t Leave Us. DDaaaaaad!”
It was a similar day. Our whole family was together. We laughed, we enjoyed our quality time. It was the 1st of October, 2020.
At night, everything was going normal. Me and my siblings were watching our favourite TV show from the couch. We were done eating early today. My mom and dad were eating in the other room.
My elder sister was peeling pomegranate while watching TV. My younger brother was laughing at the joke made by the protagonist of the show. My younger sister was laughing along with him. I was excited to learn something new to apply it in my next blog post tomorrow.
Dad was done eating and came to this room. Mom was in the kitchen…
There was silence everywhere. The TV too got silent due to a copyrighted song being played at that moment. It was 2.13 a.m.
“Aah, aaah,” we thought it was from the TV.
“Aaaaahhh,” now we could sense it was from our right side. We turned around to see both of dad’s palm on his chest. He was sitting on his bed.
I got senseless. My elder sister forced out of the couch by pushing off everything. All the pomegranate was spread over, like rain. I thought it was blood. Coming out from dad’s mouth. My feet got numb and I sweated with dread.
I was conscious again. My elder sister let dad lie down and shouted: “Bring his sprayyyy.”
I couldn’t understand anything. After three seconds, with horror, I ran to mom to ask where’s dad’s spray. Terrified, mom told, “It’s in his top drawer.”
I brought it and gave it to my sister. Tears were falling down her face to her neck to her body. I wasn’t crying. I couldn’t sense anything. I was just half-conscious and felt I am dreaming. Tears were falling down dad’s eyes. It was the tear of pain. He couldn’t speak at that time. Nor open his mouth. His eyes were wide and still.
My sister tried opening his mouth and put some spray. I tried helping her. I don’t remember where mom and my siblings were. I wasn’t aware. I couldn’t sense.
Two of my uncles came running from the other room. I was happy with hope. The spray was almost over. I was frightened: I thought, I can’t afford to lose my dad just for the spray.
I helped open dad’s mouth. My uncle put the remaining spray underneath dad’s tongue. My elder sister was crying severely.
Tears started falling from dad even more. I kept shouting. I don’t remember what. But later dad said he could hear only me: I kept shouting “Dad, please don’t leave us.”
“DDaaaaaad!” dad struck with severe pain and suddenly turned his face on his right side. This is the way people die on Television, I always see. I panicked I lost him.
I jumped on the bed and sat past dad’s right ear. I kept shouting: “Dad, please don’t leave us. Dad, please don’t leave us…”
I was dreading to see his pulse or eyes or his heartbeat. I feared reality. I couldn’t bear the loss. I was clueless. I was senseless. I only saw my dad and my elder sister. I couldn’t see anybody else. I wasn’t crying. I was unconscious. I was hoping it is just a bad dream. I was requesting God for forgiving and to save my dad’s life, in turn of mine, if needed.
My elder sister, whose dream is the same as my dad and my mom: to become a doctor, didn’t even start her main medical course. He was doing coaching. She knew a slight medical and first aid.
She checked dad’s eyes. I feared to see it turning white. She checked his pulse. She cried out: “His beat stopped.” With terror, she then slightly pushed dad’s chest to get his heart beating again. After 3 push, dad moved his hand slightly. I was hopeful and delighted again.
Dad said he is fine now. My uncles asked to take him to the doctor. He denied (I was super happy to hear this. Doctors bring out the reality and I dreaded it. I feared reality at that moment. I couldn’t face the reality of something bad to happen with him today or in the future.)
He was tensed about our school fees tomorrow. He didn’t want to spend money on him. He said: “Even if I die, I won’t go to the doctor.” This was because of his brother’s family (we live as a joint family) betrayed him. He gave his whole life for them. He didn’t buy a new pant for 12 years just to spend money on his brother’s family. He loved his brother and his family a lot. He made us happy but kept his brother’s family satisfied. He spent all his money and energy to make them successful. They are now successful doctors and engineers who don’t care about dad. This hurt him, internally. He doesn’t cry very often. He is strong. But nowadays I see him crying. He can’t hold his pain, he says. This hurts me a lot.
Our school fees were the reason he had to go through this coupling with the family tension. We never knew what he went through. I didn’t want to. I dreaded the feeling of knowing it.
Suddenly I realized how life can be so unpredictable. Here we were, in our normal life, very happy and excited and it could have turned out to be the worst day of our life. By God’s grace, I didn’t see anybody dying. But that day, I wondered my own existence.
I don’t cry out in public but that day, I cried out the whole night, in prayer. I couldn’t sleep with fear. Every slight 'aah' by him panicked me. Every silence dreaded me. I was in the other room but I tried to hear him laughing or talking so that I can think he is fine and safe and jump to him in case of emergency.
I was always the coolest kid in the house. I didn’t take things seriously. I ignored them by laughing. Especially death or trauma. I didn’t care about it. Maybe I feared it. I didn’t even try to learn first aid or basic medical. I felt it a big responsibility. But now I realize it doesn’t harm to know some basic medical or at least the symptoms. This surely can save someone’s life. And saving a life is the best thing you can do in your life, for you, and the family. I now respect my sister even more. She didn’t know everything about medical but she tried her level best.
To this day, I can never forget that day. I don’t want to. I dread it but I embrace it too. I want that day to be my realization day. And be reminded of my identity and the reality of life.
Even while writing this, I am frightened in fear. I have my blankets on. Now I fear pomegranate too. It reminds me of that frightening day and I become unconscious.
I greatly wish I can soothe my dad’s pain and I secretly wish he isn’t at home often. Otherwise, I fear every second. I fear something bad to happen at any moment. He says he loves challenges. It makes life interesting and exciting. But I want him to be relaxed and calm and safe. The only way I can help with that is by caring for him, letting him know that I am there even if everybody leaves him, not getting frustrated when he asks for massaging his leg to soothe the pain for running the whole day, for work.
Life is unpredictable so it’s better we care about our family and loved ones because our slightest care can be the push for that heartbeat that keeps them alive.