Winning an Argument Still Means Losing the Person

Do you want to completely ‘lose the person’ or just ‘lose to the person’?

Shajedul Karim
6 min readFeb 12, 2021


Photo by Strvnge Films on Unsplash

I looked forward to a scope of argument every day. That became my core goal.

I used to hate to-do lists otherwise the items on my to-do list would be only one, on every line of the list: Argue today.

This is what used to be my thought process once I woke up: Argue today. When I finished an argument with one person, my mind speaks up: “Get up, argue once more.” Again, once I’m done, “Argue once again.” The fourth time it does, it challenges my strength so much I never stop: “Dude, you stopped so early?”

I could probably be a Guinness World Records holder at winning the most arguments. That made me proud and motivated me to keep arguing.

After a mentor shared me something that hit my heart’s twenty-fifth layer’s nerve endings so hard, it still hurts (ouch!), I realized what I lost by winning the agreements. I lost thrice of what I won by winning.

I lost an argument with a dude. I went to my mentor and was complaining to him. He replied to me with:

“Everyone is different …and, everyone thinks differently. That makes the world an interesting place. Most of the cases, nobody is wrong — it’s just a different perspective and you have to make a decision.”

The argument doesn’t make you special.

Most of the time we argue because we fear our knowledge — we make it visible that we suck.

We need validation that we are right and to prove it, we can go any extreme. Everyone can argue but not everyone can interact.

Arguing is just an exchange of messages mostly without proper logic and thinking that doesn’t bring any changes at the end of the day. Interaction is an exchange of messages after some thoughts and understanding which brings a solution or new learning.

The argument is to shut someone up so you can speak. Interaction is to listen, then speak.

The argument is the tug of war. Both pull the role towards each other. Only one of the sides win. The other side loses. Interaction is hide-and-seek. Both…



Shajedul Karim

My story might not matter but it'll gently touch your interior and remind you how smarter you are. Google forced to include numbers: